Anecdotes - Musicians & Mayhem

Musicians in the entertainment world, by virtue of their profession, witness many interesting incidents when performing or rehearsing. The memory of these events builds up over the years and become part of the musicians recollections when they get together and talk about old times. Here are a few contributions as recalled by musicians in the industry.

Bob Martin's Recollections

1. Robby Burns Festivities "Hey, this haggis is great!"
2. Royal Lipizzan Stallion Show  "I couldn't find my car keys and then I had a flat tire."
3. Tariff Of Fees "Try hiring a harpist.   Maybe a flautist will do."
4. Jingles And Recordings "What's that guys name?"
5. Ticked-Off Musicians "That doesn't sound like my arrangement."
6. Eddie Graf Story   "Finding the right tempo isn't easy."
7. Montreal Musicians  "I thought it was tuned at the factory."
8. Itzhak Perlman Story  "Who let this guy in?"
9. Circus Drummer  "I catch everything even a cold."
10. Bobby Hackett Trumpet Artist   "The guy had a nice smile."
11. Windsor Fuzz  "Black and White gangster movies."
12. Herald Trumpets "You forgot your what?"
13. Wedding Gig "I'm the bride's mother..Where's the rest of the band?"
14. Igor And His Foibles "The cheques in the mail."
15. High Notes "Pass me the earplugs."
16. Can I Sit In? "Give me a chance to show you what I can do."
17. Agents "Bring on the elephants"
18. Film Shoots "Characters I have known"
19. Finding The Right Place "When do we eat?"
20. Christmas Gigs "Jingle all the way"
21. Piano On Gigs - "What colour is it?
22. Eddie Graf Charts - "That looks like my writing!".
23. Guy Lombardo & Society bands - "Hold the bubble machine."
24. Lester Lanin "Music without music"
25. Buddy Rich "Blunt instrument salesman"
26. Critics "Its amazing what kind of job you can get through Manpower"
27. Glenn Miller "Who's in the mood"
28. Fanfare Duo "Are those guys in the Union?"
29. Benny Goodman's Band "The trumpets are sound"
30. Convention Gigs "Film Buffs"
31. What's In A Name "Joe Who?"
32. Woody Herman's Drummer "Don't stick it to me"
33. Duke Ellington "Maybe it is black and white"
34. Accordian "The Italian typewriter"
35. Church Music " My head's still ringing"
36. Conductors "What's my motivation"
37. Dean Martin "I sound great in the shower"
38. Western Fair's London Tribute To Frank Serratore
39. London Musicians "Can I see your ID?"
40. Brass And Mutes "It does keep the rain out"
41. Coffee Houses "The price is right for somebody"
42. Starving Artists "Who's car is that parked outside?"
43. B'nai B'rith "Myron Cohen"
44. Diamond Lil "What's your name again?"
45. Violinists "Who turned up the heat?"
46. Boss Brass "Rob Mc Connell" Canada's Superstar
47. Stratford Festival Theatre "Who fell down the stairs?"
48. A Senior's Citizen "Bill Meek"
49. Cruise Ships "Romanian Rhapsody"
50. New Years Eve "Count on it"
51. Location, Location, Location "Where is everybody"
52. Sophisticated Lady "Will that be ketchup or caviar?"
53. Tyrants, Bandleaders, & Musicians "Where's my ego?"
54. The Kenton Band "I can't hear you!"
55. Oompah Music "Are you guys German?"
56. The Professional Scene "Who's on first?"
57. Talent Shows "O say can you sing?"
58. Gladys Knight & The Pips "And The Beat Goes On"
59. Travelling Virtuoso "Where are the knives and forks?"
60. Casablanca "Have piano, will travel"
61. Sack of Woe "Bagpipes"... "a musical weapon."
62. Reading Music..."Start your own band."
63. Rudy Vallee "What brand is that megaphone?"
64. Iranian Wedding "In a Persian Market"
65. Choosing An Instrument "You chose a what?"
66. Trumpet teachers "Armando Guittala"
67. Silence Is Golden "Its also protected by law!"
68. Strolling Groups "Music by the pound"
69. Music School "Trumpet auditions"
70. Bugler's Holiday "I wish I'd worn my long-johns"
71. Circus Conductors "Where's my whip?
72. Super Musicians "Good music is memorised music"
73. A Broadway Musical "The bare necessities"
74. Personalities & Characters "Oddball and sometime geniuses"
75. Dixieland "Music for the aged"
76. Practise, Practise, Practise "Skip the Long tones."
77. Law And Disorder "I'll take seconds"
78. Mouthpiece Confusion "Do they still make Brand X? "
79. A Musicians Dictionary
80. Hard, Difficult and Ridiculous "Who wrote this stuff?'
81. The Last Post "Run for cover - its a gas attack!"
82. On The Road Again "Who had beans for supper!"
83. Olympic Trumpets "What A blast!"
84. Thinking Sideways "Has anyone seen my book?"
85. Temperamental Artists "Let's just pretend"
86. Band Singers "Play it in the key of normal"
87. Black And Blue "Does not apply to Rock Bands!"
88. Forgetfulness or Carelessness. "Where's my trumpet?"
89. Jingle All the way "Can you guys play better?"
90. Greatest In The World " Humility is my best quality"
91. The Rat Race "Welcome to the big city"
92. Lost And Found "Aliens have taken over"
93. Tuxedo Royale "Who is that Guy?"
94. Accordian Lessons & Vacuum Cleaners. "Is that the Hoover or the way you play?"
95. The Unforgettables. "He's not bad"
96. Seeing Is Hearing. "Is he directing traffic?"
97. Big Band Charts. "Anybody know where we are?"
98. Handle The Messiah. "It's how you say it"
99. Tiny Bubbles. "There's a lot of money in suds"
100. Auspicious Beginnings. :What key are we in?"
101. Music, Interpretation and Artistry. "Count on it"
102. He's Multi-Talented. "He's a real prince"
103. Jazzers. "Have we met before?"
104. Pecking Order. "Don't get mad ...Get even"
105. Loyalty. "I'm here to stay"
106. Reputations. "Do you want to hear the good news first or the bad news?"
107. Compliments. "Yep, I like it ...I think"
108. Playing High " Does he have to do that?"
109. Parades "I drank too much coffee"
110. Musical Instruments For Sale "Rarely used"
111. Classic Recordings "Show me the money"
112. Buy, Sell Or Trade "Bargains galore"
113. Trombosis "There is no cure for it".
114. Buddy's Lament. "Take it or leave it".
115. Yogi Berra on Jazz. "It's all relative".
116. Top 10 List. "So who can count"
117. Bagpipe story. "The ceremony"
118. Natural Selection. "You chose who?"
119. Booking Problems. "Boy, have times changed."
120. Substitution List. "Call me if you're stuck".

Jim Potts Recollections

1. Clarinettists - "Goodman sure has changed!"
   

Bill Davies Anecdotes

1. Week-end Musicians "The gigs at which Legion?"
2. R.C.M.P. Musical Ride "They always got their man"
3. Smoke Gets In Your Eyes "I'm the only one not crying"
4. Flimsy Staging "Don't reach back for a beer"

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