Musician's stories about events and happenings are legendary. Usually these events bring chuckles, laughs and in some cases disbelief. But this London story is one of utter horror and it deserves re-telling.

Some years ago a local band was to play a dance for the Robby Burns Festivities at Wolseley Barracks.  This story takes place most likely in the early 40's.  I don't remember the musicians or the name of the band leader involved but here are the events as they were told to me from people that were active musically at that time. 

As you may or may not know, Robby Burns is like the patron saint of Scotland. He was a farmer / poet and today he is remembered and revered in appropriate ceremonies all over the world.  One of the "grand" events of this memorial ceremony is the cutting and tasting of the "haggis." The haggis in itself holds special meaning to the Scots.

On this auspicious day at Wolseley barracks, the haggis (true to tradition) was to be piped in by a Bagpiper. The base commander (or senior officer) attired in full Scottish regalia accompanies this parade and is expected to cut the haggis with a ceremonial sword.

This ritual  (the cutting of the haggis) is performed to the recited words of one of Robby Burns' poems.  Scotland and the people of Scottish heritage are very proud of their favorite son and take this commemorative day (complete with pagentry) as a important cultural celebration.  Everything is expected to be respectfully performed within this historical protocol.

Well, the band.. (about 6 or so musicians) got to the Ball Room at Wolseley Barracks and gathered in the adjacent waiting room. (Which incidentally is where the haggis had been placed on a ceremonial table.  The musicians were assembling their instruments, talking amongst themselves and doing what musicians usually do before the time to play is announced.

Well, lo and behold a few of the musicians (no doubt hungry) helped themselves to the haggis.  After all, the "bark of a tree isn't bitter to a hungry squirrel." When the appointed time for the haggis came to be paraded into the main ball room, it was noticed that scavengers (scoundrels) had already tasted the haggis.

Needless to day, the doo doo hit the fan. I don't know all the details of what later ensued but it's understandable that the musicians in question were chastised by the base commander and later fined by the Musician's Union. (Ernie Horner was president at the time.)   

I can picture the base commander foaming at the mouth in a rage, being restrained and sedated and carried out on a stretcher. To my way of thinking no amount of apologies could explain this grievous faux pas (read stupidity).