Circus Conductors

When you think of the incredulous, the unbelievable, and the downright scary you wouldn't think I was describing a particular Circus conductor.

On the other hand, those that have had the experience of playing a circus will attest to how demanding this job can be.   Nothing comes close to working as hard as you will on such an engagement. A cantankerous conductor unfortunately doesn't help matters much.

London's Western Fair had two circus companies that came there over the years for the fall event.  In the early days of these shows we played in the pit, which was on the racetrack just in front of the stage.  Later on they built a bandstand behind and above the stage and away from the elements. Then they erected a huge canopy that sheltered most of the staging area.   This was more comfortable but it didn't make the playing any easier. You were still outside and this could be a challenge if it was damp and cold.

This particular conductor that came with one of the companies was an exasperating character that was way over the top on how he ran things. When you think of all the difficult people you run into during your professional career he sticks out in your mind as being near the top of the list of unlikeable people.

The management of that Circus were very satisfied with his conducting and overlooked his abrasive skills when it came to dealing with musicians.   Since this was a "Circus" the management were used to animal trainers.  He fit right into the grand scheme of things and we were in his mind his animals.   His gruff and obnoxious mannerisms weren't anything unusual or out of the ordinary at least not in the eyes of the management. They thought he suited this type of employment just fine. In their minds he really took care of their business. (However at our and everyone's else's expense.)

We'll call this guy Charlie Grinch (not really his name).  I suppose he was an effective conductor especially for this type of show.   He caught all the nuances of the high-wire acts and cued the drummer and musicians as required.  However, his personal demeanour was always grating and irritating, bordering on the insufferable. 

However, I think somewhere along the line musician' s antics and discipline habits got to the management. After many years of travelling this Circus Company had it up to here with what musicians could do.  Unfortunately musicians if not supervised could cause unnecessary headaches.

There were simple rules to follow. You didn’t warm up on the bandstand before the down beat.  You paid attention to the conductor and didn't get caught up in watching the beautiful women aerialists doing their thing.  And most importantly you didn't drink on the job.  If there were any other rules I can't think of them but these guidelines seemed reasonable enough.

However, in one city where I was the player /contractor for the 7 day event the trombone section decided to have a party between the first and second show.  It so happens that the manager of the circus came into their room and found about four twenty-six ounce bottles of empty booze. Well I was forced to replace these guys (immediately) and they didn't have a legal leg to stand on. They knew the rules before hand and decided to ignore these simple guidelines.

There was nothing I could do for them and was a bit ticked that they put me in such an awkward situation, that of getting royally chastised by this overbearing Circus impresario. Further more, the musician's Union was in complete agreement with the Circus Company's policy. 

I suspect that over the years the musicians at various cities did some very absurd and annoying things.  As much as I didn't care working for these Circus people they did have a point. You knew up front what you could and couldn't do and the management no doubt felt they were not getting their money's worth if you were half tanked during their working hours.

Now Charlie Grinch really liked to drink a lot of beer before (I suspect during) and after the shows. What applied to you apparently didn't apply to him.  He was pretty stoned most of the time and this didn't help his disposition.  He rode one drummer so badly that the drummer eventually quit. Well wouldn't you know it, the Circus management did the last two days without drums.

The drum treatment of the acts is the icing on the cake and makes for a great Circus performance.   It's difficult to believe that people in that business would be that spiteful in making a point that they would do the last six shows without this important instrument. It sounded pretty empty.

Eventually the "love affair" of Charlie (the conductor) and the management company finally came to a head.  As I mentioned Charlie Grinch liked to drink a lot of beer.  I heard that somewhere in some mid-western city just seconds before the downbeat Mr. Grinch couldn't hold his beer any longer.  He ran off stage to take care of that business behind the stage in the bushes. 

It was about then that the back-stage announcer proceeded to start the night show with, "Ladies and Gentlemen.  Welcome to the International Circus of the Universe and say hello to the conductor of the Circus Orchestra... Charlie Grinch". 

The spot light hit the stage and here was Charlie scrambling up to the podium still doing up his zipper.  He timed the Circus musical cues well but this was one cue he didn't time.  Yep, this was the bit that broke the camel's back. The audience put two and two together as to where Charlie had been. You could hear the chuckles.   He finally got fired.

I personally thought it couldn't happen to a nicer guy.  However, maybe I shouldn't feel sorry for Charlie.  After all, animal trainers aren't that sensitive. Just ask the "animals".

Maybe we should have reported him to the S. P. C. A.

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